


What could possibly go wrong?

by forestfantail



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Filling In the Gaps, He also buys lots of yogurt, Peter is confused, Peter's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 05:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestfantail/pseuds/forestfantail
Summary: Dale rolled his eyes. “Dude, that girl is like sexy gold. There are girls who let you touch them and then there are girls who are waiting for Tom Hiddleston to drop out of the sky or something. Lara Jean’s not the kind most of us have a shot with.”Peter was surprised to see how impressed they all seemed to be. “No one likes Tom Hiddleston anymore,” he said, but he wasn’t really listening. He was thinking.Or: Scenes missing from TATBILB the film, from Peter's POV.





	1. Peter gets a letter

**Author's Note:**

> I used source material from the film (obviously) and also the books for this. There's just not enough of the film for me, so I'm writing scenes I wish I could see!

Huh. He read the sentence again. A little thrill went through him. He touched his fingers to the curly, girlish penmanship. He had never understood how girls could make their handwriting so pretty. He was lucky if anyone could read his.

He flipped the envelope over for the twentieth time. Yes, it still said Lara Jean Covey. He matched it to the signature on the letter. He wasn’t being pranked; he was pretty sure. This was too elaborate for most of his friends.

Peter read the letter again, even though at this point he had nearly memorized it. He smiled. He’d have to let her down gently. He’d always thought she was a pretty nice kid, maybe a little weird, though. Who the hell writes love letters? Still, it wasn’t the weirdest thing that a girl had done to get him to like her, by far. Kaitlyn Bell had once offered to show him a tattoo of his face that she claimed to have put on a very private part of her body. Gen had assured him it was just a henna tattoo (she had also humiliated Kaitlyn until she had transferred to another school), but he had still been really creeped out. Girls were weird.

Peter stretched out on his bed, the letter on his chest. It did make him feel a little better to know that someone liked him, he had to admit. He had been feeling pretty down since Gen had broken up with him.

Covey. Who knew? She didn’t act like she liked him, but then she was pretty quiet. Yeah, he’d have to find a way to be nice about it. And if he wasn’t still getting over Gen…no, he thought, why would he date Lara Jean Covey? He was going to get back with Gen, no question. He just had to come up with a plan.

He turned the letter over again, looking at the signature. It was so earnest, so sweet. He had never received anything like this from Gen. He snorted. What would Gen say if she knew? That sobered him up. He folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Peter hated to think of what Gen would do to Lara Jean if she found out about this letter. Even if they were broken up.

He’d have to give it back to Lara Jean and explain about Gen. He’d already had a few offers of “comfort” from girls at school since the breakup. He wasn’t sure what they were thinking. He couldn’t think about anything but Gen. Not yet, anyway.

Too soon, Covey, he thought. He put the letter in his school backpack. He’d find her tomorrow and deliver the bad news. 

 


	2. Peter gets jumped (but, like, in a good way)

Peter wasn’t sure who’s reaction surprised him the most. When Gen had heard that Lara Jean had jumped him in front of half the school she had been furious. She had cornered him in the hallway after his last class, yelling at him with her finger stabbing the air. It had been the best he had felt since she had dumped him, two days prior. When he finally arrived at Lara Jean’s house after Gen chewed him out, he had already received like twenty texts from her. She called him three times in the five minutes it took him to drive Lara Jean home from the diner. He felt a little ashamed for feeling so pleased to have pissed her off…but only a little.

When Gen had dumped him, she had said that they could still be friends. That night had been the first time in three years that they hadn’t talked on the phone before bed. He hadn’t cried, but he stared at the ceiling of his room and missed her more than he thought he could miss anyone. Like when his dad had left, there was an emptiness in him that wouldn’t stop. How could she do this to him, after all they had been through? After all the times he had taken care of her, protected her, defended her? No one understood her, not like him. And this new guy—he couldn’t bear to think of his name—could never be to her what Peter had been.

So, yes, Gen’s reaction to the kiss was very satisfying. He knew she’d had a special loathing for Lara Jean for years; he wasn’t sure why. It served to make her even more jealous, though, and the girl who had barely texted him in days was now lighting his phone up. He could definitely do with more of that.

The reactions of Peter’s friends and acquaintances and pretty much every guy he encountered that day had been equally surprising to him. He was still trying to catch his breath after Lara Jean attacked him and ran away, when Carlos Meyers gave him a playful punch on the shoulder that actually kind of hurt. “Seriously, Kavinsky? Even Lara Jean Covey’s throwing herself at you now?”

Peter had walked by several of his lacrosse teammates near the locker room, and they had literally given him a round of applause. “Lara Jean Covey?” said Gabe. “How? I mean she’s like sneaky hot, but she won’t date _anyone_.”

“She’s not sneaky hot; she’s just hot hot,” said Dale. “Those skirts,” he said, and the rest of the guys, including Peter, nodded their agreement.

“I don’t know what happened,” said Peter. “I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Well, whatever you figure out, I’d lock that shit down,” said Gabe. “Before she realizes her mistake.”

“Hey,” said Peter. “You talking about this?” He gestured toward his manly physique.

Dale rolled his eyes. “Dude, that girl is like sexy gold. There are girls who let you touch them and then there are girls who are waiting for Tom Hiddleston to drop out of the sky or something. Lara Jean’s not the kind most of us have a shot with.”

Peter was surprised to see how impressed they all seemed to be. “No one likes Tom Hiddleston anymore,” he said, but he wasn’t really listening. He was thinking.

Greg’s reaction was, in true Greg fashion, ridiculous. “I knew it,” he said.

“Excuse me?” asked Peter. He was trying to get into his locker, and Greg had come up behind him.

“I knew you liked her. Knew. It.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Lara Jean. I knew you liked her. You get weird when she’s around. Like you don’t know where to look.”

Peter shook his head and shoved a book in his bag. “There is no way you could know that, because it isn’t true. Also, she kissed me.”

“Then you better kiss her back before she changes her mind. She could do so much better.”

“Seriously?” said Peter. Did every one of his friends think he wasn’t good enough for Covey?

“You couldn’t, though. Do better.” Greg shrugged. “She’s pretty cool.” His proclamation made, Greg turned and wandered off in the opposite direction of his next class. “Don’t forget my party this weekend,” he called over his shoulder.

If Peter was being honest with himself, then he would have to admit that the most surprising reaction to the kiss from Lara Jean was his own. His own body betrayed him, or something bizarre that he couldn’t explain. He had always thought she was cute. Very cute. Sometimes he even thought she was…well, those had been some seriously great boots. But he was a one-woman kind of man. He may be a flirt, but his mother had taught him to be respectful of women. He knew a pretty girl when he saw one; he was after all a fully functioning teenage boy. He did not, however, allow himself to be with more than one girl at a time. He was loyal and faithful and would never cheat or betray—he was nothing, _nothing_ like his father. So, maybe he thought Lara Jean was cute, but he was not about to act on those feelings.

Except that his one girl had now cut him loose. He now had no one to be loyal to. And he was so hurt, so confused, that maybe he should just go with what felt right. And kissing Lara Jean had felt right. Very right. And if she was into it, then why not? They have some fun, which leads to Gen crawling back to him and impresses his friends—everyone’s a winner.

He steps out of his jeep and chases after Lara Jean, who’s pushing her bicycle toward her house. He has an idea, and he thinks it’s a pretty good one. Honestly, what could go wrong?

 


	3. Peter needs some answers (Or: Before the contract is signed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to see her actually explain about the letters, because she must have at some point. And had to add in a little about John Ambrose McClaren from the books, because I love it. Also, they will have to throw it in there if they make another movie...

Peter saw Lara Jean waiting by his locker after the final bell rang for school, and he was surprised at how excited he was. This little fling might be more fun than he had expected. It had been so long since he had a new girlfriend, since middle school and his first days with Gen. He didn’t remember that feeling of getting to know someone new. He grinned at her.

“Waiting for me?”

Lara Jean crossed her arms. “We need to talk,” she said. For a moment he feared she was going to end things already, and he again was surprised at the emotions he felt. He wasn’t sure if it was because this was uncharted territory—new girlfriend, fake girlfriend—or if it was to do with Lara Jean, but there were a lot of feelings swirling inside of him. Duly noted.

“We have to get our story straight. I’ve already had a million people ask me what’s going on with us, and I don’t know what to tell them.”

Peter nodded. He had been asked by a bunch of people to explain the kissing of Lara Jean, most notably Gen. They did need to discuss it.

“Outside, at the picnic tables? I’ve got practice in half an hour.”

“Sure,” she said, swinging her ponytail around as she picked up her bag off the floor. Peter smiled. She did know how to work her hair.

As they walked to the tables they ran into several people, all of whom stared. Peter thought about kissing her again, just to make sure people were getting the idea. He wondered if she’d let him kiss her instead of talking. He did have a few questions to ask her first, though.

“Covey,” he said, “I’ve been thinking.”

“OK,” she said.

“Some of the things you said yesterday didn’t make sense.”

Lara Jean crinkled her nose. “What do you mean, Peter?”

“You said you didn’t like me, that you were just trying to convince someone else you didn’t like them.”

“Yes.” Lara Jean said this emphatically, like she didn’t want to have this conversation again. “I don’t like you.”

Peter felt his smile slip a bit, but he recovered quickly. “Then why did you write me a love letter? And if it’s to throw Sanderson off the scent, then why did you write him a love letter?”

“I wrote them years ago, Peter!” she said. “I wrote yours in middle school.”

Peter frowned. That explained a lot. He knew he was a good kisser, but even he had been surprised at how obsessed she still was about a middle school kiss.

“So, you liked me in middle school?”

Lara Jean shrugged.

Peter felt pretty proud of himself. He wasn’t totally off her radar. “Then why did you send them now?”

Lara Jean gave a growl of anger, although Peter thought it more cute than intimidating. “I didn’t send them,” she said.

“Uhh, Covey?” Peter reached into the front pocket of his backpack and held up her letter. “You definitely sent them.”

“Give me that!” Lara Jean tried to snatch it from his hand, but he held it up higher than she could reach. Advantage of being tall. Peter K. Protip: Always date girls shorter than you.

“No,” said Peter. He zipped the letter back into his bag. “I’m keeping it as insurance against you telling anyone this is fake. Also, you gave it to me in the first place.”

“I did not!” Lara Jean yelled, and Peter grabbed her arm to try to calm her.

“Hey hey hey, keep it down. We’re a happy new couple, remember?”

Lara Jean jerked her arm from Peter’s grasp. “I didn’t send the letters, OK? They got sent out by mistake.”

“Mistake?” Peter wasn’t sure how letters could get addressed, stamped, and dropped in a mailbox by accident, but then he hadn’t sent a letter since his pen-pal in the fourth grade, so it wasn’t like he was an expert.

“I kept them in a box, the letters. I wrote them when I had a crush and then hid them in the box. No one else has ever read them. No one was supposed to read them. Then I was putting some stuff out to take to Goodwill, and I think somehow the box got taken. And someone must have found them and mailed them…” Lara Jean trailed off. She looked despondent.

Peter didn’t know what to say. It was a ridiculous story, but he knew she was telling the truth. But back to the important part.

“So, you liked me enough to write me a letter?”

“A long time ago,” she said. She was staring at the ground.

“How long?” he asked.

She looked up, confused. “Middle school. I already told you.” she said.

“No, how long did you like me?”

Lara Jean squinted, looking off into the distance for the answer. “Part of seventh grade, most of eighth.”

Peter was pleased. “McClaren would have been pissed. He had a thing for you back then. He wanted to ask you to eighth grade formal.”

“He did?” Lara Jean seemed pleasantly surprised, which Peter didn’t like.

“Geez, Covey, can’t you tell when someone is teasing you? I don’t remember anything about who McClaren liked back then.”

Lara Jean seemed a little disappointed, but she didn’t question him. Good save, Kavinsky.

“I guess John didn’t get my letter. Probably because it was addressed to his old house before he moved. Anyway, there’s been no response.”

Peter stopped walking and turned to her. “You wrote McClaren a letter?”

“Yeah.”

“When? When did you like him?”

“Eighth grade.”

“I thought you liked me in eighth grade.”

Lara Jean stuck out her bottom lip like she was straining to remember. “I guess there was some overlap.”

This was not what Peter was hoping to hear. He had been just one of many boys she had liked, and he hadn’t even had her whole heart. McClaren? His former best friend? Seriously?

“Why does it even matter, Peter?” Lara Jean was sitting down at a picnic table.

Peter wasn’t sure the answer to that question, but he was pretty sure that it did matter.

“And Sanderson?” he asked. “When did you like him?”

Lara Jean blushed. “I don’t want to talk about Josh.”

The way she said his name— _Josh_ — so softly; Peter didn’t like it. He also didn’t like how she kept dodging his questions about the guy. This Sanderson seemed like trouble, for her and maybe for Peter, too.

“Isn’t he why we’re doing all of this?”

Lara Jean ignored him and pulled a notebook out of her pack. “I asked you here to go over a few things,” she said.

Peter sat down beside her at the table. He wasn’t sure how to get her talking about Sanderson, but then maybe he didn’t want to know the answers to these questions anyway. It was probably best to just keep it light; he was looking for some fun, after all. And he was still hoping to get another kiss before practice.

“Ok,” he said. “Shoot, Covey.”


	4. Peter drives Lara Jean home after the party (and things start to get real)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this chapter just wouldn't come out right; I hope I didn't ruin it for you. He's just so angry and sad...it kind of broke my heart.

It’s not like Peter didn’t know they were pretending. This fake relationship had been his idea, after all.

He was an expert at pretending. He had dated Gen for years, and when she was sad, when she was mad, when she was quite possibly cheating on him, he had always kept a smile on his face. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple, and that was because he kept up appearances, kept them going.

Lara Jean thought he didn’t understand pretending? Hadn’t she heard what he said about his father? _“It’s whatever.”_ He kept everything he really felt about that man to himself, because no one, not even Gen, wanted a sad or moody Peter Kavinsky. He was the joy of everyone’s party, the light in his mother’s broken eyes. He was always pretending. He fucking invented pretending.

But for a few moments, just right then in the diner when Lara Jean had opened up to him about her fears and about her mother, he had forgotten about pretending. He didn’t remember the last time he had brought up his father. He thought about him constantly—the anger, the ache never actually left him—but he never spoke of it. He had suddenly realized that she must feel it, too—that constant pain that comes from losing a parent—and those bottled up words had come spilling out. Did you know my dad abandoned me? There had been a glimmer of understanding in her eyes, even as he had tried to cover himself back up, feeling suddenly too exposed. “We don’t have to talk about it, but it’s not whatever,” she had said.

And he had thought, how funny, this girl who just explained to him why she shuts herself off from others was calling him out for shutting himself off from her. Did this mean that somehow her normal rules didn’t apply to him? Did she not want to keep him at an emotional arm’s length? What made him different to her? Because he could already tell from the runaway train feeling of this conversation that she felt different to him. He was starting to realize that there was no one else like her.

But she had closed up like a clam. _Just pretending._

Yeah, we’re cool, Covey.

He had tried to swallow his initial surge of anger. Another person who didn’t want to know his real feelings. He’d show her pretending.

So, here they were, driving her home in his jeep. He wasn’t able to say much, but he smiled a lot when he could manage it. She didn’t seem to be buying it. He glanced at her. She was staring out the window, biting her lip. He wasn’t feeling angry any more. He kind of felt like crying. He had no idea why.

It had been a wonderful night, up until this bizarre twisting of his heart that he couldn’t explain. He had enjoyed being with Lara Jean, she had done so well at the party, and they had upset Gen.

Gen. He realized that he had forgotten about her until this moment. For like, the last fifteen minutes he had not thought about Gen. That in an of itself was a cause for happiness.

He looked back over at Lara Jean. They were nearly to her house now.

“I really did have a great time tonight, Covey.” He gave her a smile that he knew this time was genuine.

She looked at him shyly, almost like she was frightened. Something in him broke seeing that he had unnerved her. She was making herself so vulnerable just by being with him. Everything they were doing was out of her comfort zone. She had never even had a boyfriend before.

He nudged her with his elbow. “Seriously, Covey. You need to loosen up. We’ve popped your high school party cherry now. The next one will be way more fun.”

“The next one?” she asked, genuinely confused.

Peter laughed. “Parties. Plural. It’s in the—”

“Contract,” she finished with a sigh.

“Hey, I’m suffering through all kinds of not-kissing, so it’s the least you can do,” he said. He was only kind of kidding.

Lara Jean didn’t take the bait but continued silently watching the road, the streetlights reflecting in her eyes.

After she got out of his car with a quick good night, he sat for a few moments staring at his hands. Maybe the worst part of the night was right now, because he desperately wanted to call Gen. Not to talk to Gen, but to talk about Lara Jean. He missed the part of Gen that was his friend, but he didn’t think she would want to help him unpack his confusing feelings for Lara Jean. Besides, he had never been able to open up with Gen the way he had even in the few conversations he had had with Lara Jean. He wished that he could have Lara Jean as a best friend who he could talk about Lara Jean with. Yep, he was losing his mind.

He picked up his phone. Ignoring the latest texts from Gen, he scrolled through the photos he had taken of Lara Jean that night. Why the hell did she keep that hair caged?

He picked out a selfie of them and put it on Instagram. She was cute, there was no denying. That’s probably what was spinning his head around. She was cute and sweet and braver than anyone knew. Braver than he was. He had never stood up to Gen the way Lara Jean did. He certainly hadn’t that night.

His phone started to buzz. Gen was calling. His thumb hovered over the decline button for all of two rings before he hit it. He would keep a promise to Lara Jean that he hadn’t even made. He wouldn’t talk to Gen tonight.

He was just starting the engine to his jeep, when his phone dinged again. Believing it was an angry message from Gen, he was startled to see it was from Lara Jean. She was teasing him.

He teased her right back, maybe even with a hint at a kiss. The pleasures that girl was denying herself, if she only knew.

He was grinning again, as he drove down her street. Even with the boomerang of emotions, the night had been a success. He couldn’t even remember what had made him so upset. Something about pretending. But this soft buzz he felt at the thought of Lara Jean was real, and he would let it carry him home.  


	5. Peter stops kidding himself (or: Dinner with Peter’s family)

It all started when he picked her up at her house, and she had her hair down.

No, it had started before that, when his mother had been preparing dinner in their kitchen. He had been explaining things about Lara Jean, going over the plan, a plan he had dubbed in his head “The Plan for His Mom to Not Humiliate Him in Front of Lara Jean.” (There was a good reason why the title of this plan had not been told to anyone.)

“I told you, she’s a really good baker, so dessert is important.” He was glaring at a store-bought pie his mother was opening.

“Look, I’m _not_ a really good baker, and I’m a single mother with bills to pay. I didn’t have time to bake something. If she’s as nice as you say, I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Peter glanced at his mother’s apron; it was the one with llamas all over it. “Are you really going to wear that?”

“Ok, out,” said his mother, waving a hand at him.

“I’m just saying—”

“Dinner’s almost ready. Go get her. And stop pestering me.”

Peter turned to leave, but his mother stopped him by gently grabbing his wrist. “You must really like her, to be this concerned.” She was smiling at him.

Peter glanced at the floor, not sure what to say. His mother released his arm and began removing the apron. “I’ll do my best, ok, Peter?”

This was probably when it had started, he thought. His mother had said that he liked Lara Jean, and it had come true, like mom magic.

No, it had started earlier than that. That time she had taken a sip of his chocolate shake after the party and had scrunched up her nose? The time she had almost killed him with her car? When she had kissed him, maybe? Not the very first time, back in seventh grade, but the more recent attack kiss. Ok, maybe it had started with the first kiss in middle school; he still remembered the smell of her hair, like coconuts. Maybe it had started the first time he had seen her, at the assembly the first day of sixth grade? 

He wasn’t sure when he had started liking Lara Jean Covey, but he was sure that up until this point he had been able to keep it under wraps. Now that she was sitting on his kitchen counter, staring off into space, he found himself nearly unable to control his strong need to pull her toward him and kiss her. They had been talking about their parents. How could this conversation possibly have been romantic? What was she doing to him?

She cleared her throat and turned to him. “Maybe I should head home?”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem Covey.” Peter took his hands off the counter beside her. He realized they were shaking slightly and shoved them in his pockets.

Inside his jeep somehow he felt it even more intensely. She was radiating a kind of warmth that he could feel in his bones. They drove in silence, a pleasant silence. Pleasant except for the terror that had been slowly building within him all evening.

He parked outside of her house, and neither of them moved.

“Thanks for coming, Covey,” he said. “Sorry if it was weird.”

Lara Jean laughed softly. “It wasn’t weird. Your mother’s sweet.”

Peter shrugged, but inside he was pleased. His mother was sweet and also very important to him. He realized that he been nervous about what Lara Jean would think of her. He had not been worried about his mother’s opinion of Lara Jean, but then why would he be? Who wouldn’t like Lara Jean?

“She liked you,” he said. His mother hadn’t said anything, but he could tell.

Lara Jean smiled. He was happy that he could make her smile. So, this evening hadn’t been a total disaster from her perspective, right? He had felt ill at ease most of the night. There was something about Lara Jean’s quiet confidence that was throwing him off. He felt open, exposed, vulnerable, allowing her into his home. Lara Jean had handled herself with her usual grace and effortless charm and had somehow calmed him just by being there. Also, she looked so pretty.

Lara Jean unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for her purse. Peter realized he had been sitting there without saying anything for way too long.

“Thanks for dinner. And for driving me, Peter.”

“Don’t mention it, Covey. See you here tomorrow morning?”

She nodded. “I’ll have Kitty bring you a yogurt.”

He giggled—he actually giggled. What the hell was happening to him?

“Looking forward to it.” He tried to take his voice down an octave. Where was his cool? It had totally abandoned him. What was the point of being this smooth-talking badass if he broke down completely when he actually liked someone? He felt undone by her.

Lara Jean reached over toward his hand, and for a moment he thought she was going to touch him. He moved his hand slightly toward her, and she maneuvered around him, grabbing her water from his cupholder. Shit, that was awkward.

Suddenly she did reach over and just briefly touch the back of his hand. “I had a nice time. I like talking to you,” she said.

“Yeah,” Peter said. “Me, too.”

Lara Jean darted from his vehicle and ran to her front door. It was like she couldn’t get away from him fast enough. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been able to form a coherent sentence in about an hour. _‘Me, too?!’_ He had basically just told her that he liked talking to himself, which meant he was a crazy person. Why couldn’t he have just told her the truth, that he liked talking to her, that he liked riding in cars beside her, that he liked anything and everything to do with her?

He took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel. He wasn’t sure how it all started, but he was too far gone to stop it now. He was going to have to come up with a new plan: The Plan for Real-dating Lara Jean. First step would be figuring out a way to show her he liked her without being weird. Second step would be to stop coming up with awkwardly named plans about Lara Jean Covey. Seriously, what had this girl done to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! I hope I'm not letting you all down with these last two; things are getting a little darker for our boy...


	6. Peter buys a lot of yogurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think of these next two chapters as the yogurt chronicles. I'm not sure why the idea of Peter buying lots of yogurt is so funny to me...

He came up with the idea the next morning, after Lara Jean ate dinner at his house. He was a man of action; he needed a plan to show her his feelings. Just like when he had come up with the Fake-Dating Plan for Getting Gen Back (which had totally backfired, but everything was too messed up to ponder that now), he needed to feel like he was doing something to keep himself from going crazy with longing. And he came up with it the moment Kitty handed him his morning yogurt. Do something special for her. And when was the perfect time? The ski trip.

He was reverting back to what he knew, he was well aware. The ski trip had always been one of the best times of the year with Gen. The setting was so romantic, and there were lots of opportunities to be alone. He knew exactly how to woo a girl on that ski trip. Classic Kavinsky. He could do this. He would start on the bus ride out—three and a half hours to set the tone. He would get her something she liked to show her that he liked her.

That was how he ended up staring at shelves of yogurt smoothies in the Korean grocery store, all the way across town. The minute Chris had texted him that yes, she was finally going on the ski trip, he had jumped in his jeep. He had gotten lost a couple of times on the way here, but he was a man on a mission. A mission for yogurt.

The elderly Korean woman who worked at the store had been following Peter around with a suspicious look on her face. She now said, “What are you looking at?”

“I want some of these.” Peter gestured toward the rows of little yogurt smoothies.

“Then get some,” said the woman.

He looked down at her nametag, but unfortunately it was in Korean. Learning people’s names was part of the Kavinsky charm.

“I don’t know what to get,” he said.

“If you don’t know what you want, then how would I know what you want?”

Peter did not think that he was going to have luck charming this woman. “Are there different flavors?”

The woman snorted. “You tell me what you want it for, and I’ll tell you what to get.”

“I want it to impress someone. I want the kind that says: I really like you and want to date you for real. And if it could make her like me back, that would work, too.”

The woman raised her eyebrows. “It’s just yogurt, kid.”

Peter could feel his cheeks turning red. “I’ll just get this.” He grabbed the kind he had had with Kitty. The woman walked away, and for good measure Peter grabbed a bunch of other bottles. He picked up some snacks that looked like they might be made of seaweed (the things he did for love) and then walked up to the counter.

The woman rang him up and looked him up and down as she handed him his change. “You trying to impress a girl?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“You don’t need yogurt for that.”

Peter couldn’t tell if she was giving him a compliment or still making fun of him for expressing his feelings through yogurt, but he nodded and walked away. Girls did not get any easier to understand when they grew up to be women, that much he knew.

Back in his jeep he put his purchases into the passenger seat. He was pleased with himself. Lara Jean had been starting to terrify him more than usual. She had talked about breaking up, had been trying to get out of going on the ski trip, had even been spending time with Sanderson. The new plan he’d put into motion would change things, though, he was sure of it. Before starting his vehicle, he reached over and buckled in the snacks, just to be safe. He was going to show that girl a good time, if he had to drag her into it kicking and screaming. (Not literally, though. Consent was important.)


	7. Peter drinks a lot of yogurt in his room (alone)

It was official. This was no longer fun. He gave a little hiccup and set the smoothie down on the table beside his hotel bed.

He had started all of this because it had provided a thrill. He had liked kissing Lara Jean, had liked the attention that she and Gen and the rest of the school had given him. He had ignored all those emotions swirling in him whenever she was around, ignored them until they had swelled into a torrent that had overwhelmed him. And now he felt only one thing: pain. It sucked.

His plan had not gone well, but then when did his plans ever? She had walked past him on the bus, choosing to sit with Chris. Gen had sat beside him, and he had listened to her drone on and on about her life—she was really looking forward to the ski trip, she had missed spending time with him, she had broken up with her boyfriend.

“Cool,” he said. He tried to stand a little and stretch so that he could nonchalantly look back at Lara Jean. He bumped his head on the stupidly low ceiling and had to twist his neck in an awkward way, but he could see her. She looked like she was asleep, all snuggled up with Chris. If anyone should be snuggling with Lara Jean, it should be him. He flopped back into his seat.

“Peter, I just—”

“I think I’m going to nap, Gen. Pretty tired.” Peter didn’t want to be rude to her, but he just didn’t have the energy right now. She could tell it to Emily or someone.

He closed his eyes, but he couldn’t sleep. He just sat there, thinking about all those damn snacks. How hard he had worked to get her to come and to make her feel special, and she wouldn’t even sit with him? What was everyone else going to think? How was he going to get through the next two days?

Things had not gotten better once they were off the bus. Gen started vocally hitting on him, for everyone to hear, and Lara Jean hadn’t even looked at him. She had retreated to her room, he guessed; he hadn’t seen her all day. Or the next day. He had skied a little, beaten his friends down the mountain, but his heart wasn’t really in it. He had called it a night early and snuck back to his room.

Greg had tried to get him out. “Every drop from my parents’ bar. Every drop.” He held up a duffle bag. “They’ll be like, did the maid get into the liquor again, and I’ll be like, yeah, she deserves a Christmas bonus.”

Peter smiled weakly and reached for his plastic bag of snacks.

“You get done moping, we’ll be at the firepit behind the lodge. Dale brought firecrackers.”

Peter had taken out his first yogurt as Greg shut the door. At least he wasn’t going to waste them.

Now he was on his sixth one, and he was feeling a little ill. He heard explosions in the distance, which meant that his friends were all still out there, having a literal blast. He got up and grabbed his swim trunks. If everyone was occupied elsewhere, at least he could get some time alone in the hot tub. He had mentioned it to Lara Jean once, super casual, about how they had a hot tub at the ski chalet, when he was trying to impress her with how fun it would be if she came. Maybe she would remember that, and she would want to try it, and she would show up there? Or maybe if he was just out of his room, he would have a better chance of seeing her? As rejected as he felt, he was still sort of desperately trying to come up with scenarios that might lead to him seeing her. She was here, somewhere in this building.

But she knew that he was here, too, and she apparently didn’t care. She didn’t want him. He tried this thought out, tested it in his mind. It hurt more than a little. But no, it was not just because he wanted it to be a lie that he knew it was. She had feelings for him, too; he was almost sure of it. The moments they’d shared, the conversations. He knew he wasn’t alone in this. She was scared. She told him right at the beginning how terrified she was of getting close to someone. She was running away because she did have feelings. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

He threw a bathrobe on over his swim trunks and dropped his phone on the bed. Fifteen texts, all from Gen. He didn’t even look at them. He tossed the rest of the snack bag into the trash (he didn’t want to eat seaweed anyway!) and stepped out the door. He was going to enjoy a few moments of this trip, even if he did it alone.


	8. Peter goes to talk to Gen in her room

Peter got back to his room and flopped on his bed. Greg still wasn’t back (although last night he passed out on a rug downstairs for the night, so who knew where he was).

Peter was glad for the time alone, because he couldn’t keep the grin off his face and didn’t feel like answering questions. How do you explain that you’re thrilled because your fake girlfriend of three months just let you kiss her for the first time? Well, not the _first_ first time, but the first time that mattered. Yeah, he was glad he didn’t have to explain it.

He felt a buzz beneath him; he was lying on his phone. His grin got even broader, which he didn’t think possible. She couldn’t go a few minutes without him? Shit, he didn’t blame her. Leaving her at her door was some newfound kind of torture. Was it too early in their relationship to ask if he could come to her room and cuddle for the night? Technically they’d only been together for a couple hours…but if she was into it?

He reached underneath him for the phone, but the text wasn’t from Lara Jean. Gen. _How can you do this to me?_

Peter flinched. He scrolled through the texts he’d received from her throughout the day; there were dozens. Some of them were flirtatious, some were downright filthy, but the last few were pleading, almost desperate sounding. It must have been because he hadn’t responded. He’d been ignoring her for pretty much the whole trip. He sighed. He knew how it felt to be ignored by the person you want the most.

Peter came to a realization with a jolt, but he didn’t know why it was so startling. He’d known for some time that he liked Lara Jean but realized only now in this moment that he didn’t like Gen any more. No, he had known that, too. It was more that he realized he didn’t love her, maybe had never loved her, not like he knew he did Lara Jean. Had he been lying to himself and everyone else for years? No wonder he was so comfortable with a fake relationship.

No, of course this wasn’t quite true either. He had cared for Gen; he still did. It had been more like an obsession, as Lara Jean had told him. He had never really been in love before, though, he now knew. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, that he could compare this new feeling to. It was like not just his heart but his entire soul had expanded to encompass another person. He didn’t know there was this much room, this much love, this much depth of feeling within him. He had grown in magnitudes.

And Gen hadn’t. He suddenly remembered that she had told him that she had broken up with her boyfriend. Had he said something to her about that? That he was sorry? He couldn’t recall.

His phone buzzed again. She had sent him one word: _Please_.

All at once he felt really guilty. He had been playing this game for months, not just with himself and Lara Jean, but with Gen as well. He had been lying to her, trying to manipulate her. Trying to hurt her because she had hurt him. And he had succeeded.

Be careful what you wish for. His mother said that a lot, and he kind of hated her for it. In this instance the tired expression fit, though. What had he honestly thought could come from any of this mess? He got the girl he wanted in the end, but he had led Gen on, there was no denying that.

He owed it to her to apologize. He also owed it to himself and Lara Jean. He needed a clean break from Gen, no more of this playing around with a reconciliation that he knew now would never happen. If he was going to be with Lara Jean for real then this constant texting and flirtation needed to end.

Peter got up and changed into actual clothes. He didn’t want to show up to Gen’s wet and with his shirt off—that might give the wrong impression. He slipped his phone into his pocket but not before wrinkling his nose a little at the girl on his lockscreen photo. Cutie.

He stepped out his door and made his way to Gen’s room. She had texted him her room number like five times. He’d explain it to her, let her down as easily as he could. He was with Lara Jean now, and there was no question of that. How could he make it emphatic? Should he use the word love? He didn’t want to be cruel.

He slipped down the stairs and headed over to Gen’s hallway. He would just tell her the truth, and he would trust in her to understand. She had a good side; he was one of the few people to have seen it. He would set her free, and he would get Lara Jean for doing a good deed. Karma, right?

He glanced at the clock on the wall. Two am. Maybe he could get Lara Jean to snuggle with him on the bus in the morning? She owed him after the trip up. He smiled. He totally deserved something to go his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't actually contain a conversation with Gen, because I couldn't bear it. I'll leave what they said to your imaginations. 
> 
> Also, thanks so much for your kudos and all the supportive comments! RL is so crazy for me right now; it's nice to have a happy place like this to visit!


	9. Peter and the infinite sadness (or: Peter gets dumped…again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it took me this long to post these last chapters. I moved across the U.S. for a new job since the last time I posted, and my life has been nuts. I vow right here and now to never begin posting something before I've finished writing it.

No one talk for a second. He just…he needed a minute.

 

Peter was glad that if it had to happen it had happened over winter break. That way he didn’t have to see her in class, in the hallways, in the cafeteria and nearly break down every time. That he didn’t have to answer questions from his friends. That he could hide in his room and never come out again. He had thought it was bad after Gen dumped him, but this was worse. This was so much worse.

After Gen dumped him he had felt hurt but mostly he had been embarrassed and a little vengeful. He’d show her.

This was different, though. The pain was like nothing he had ever experienced. The closest he had come to this was when his dad had walked out on them. He had been abandoned, again.

But he was also angry. He was angry at Lara Jean because she wouldn’t let him speak, wouldn’t hear him out. There had been a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, and rather than talking about it she had just shut him out of her life.

How dare she make those assumptions about him. Like he was every awful teenage boy stereotype. Didn’t she know him better than that?

But the more Peter thought about it—and the pain splintered and cracked until he could finally breath—the more he understood. And the less he liked what he knew to be true.

She was running scared. She was protecting herself by telling lies about him: he was using her, he was still in love with Gen, he didn’t care for her. And she wouldn’t let him speak because she was afraid he would prove all these lies false. They were easier for her to believe than the truth. Because if she knew he did care then the most frightening thing would happen—Lara Jean would have to admit she cared for him back. Lara Jean opening herself up to potentially get her heart broken—that was the most earth-shattering thing that had taken place since this whole mess began, and she was fighting it with every part of her being.

It wasn’t fair. Loving someone shouldn’t be like coaxing a frightened animal from its cage.

Love. There was that word again. He was way past the point of denying it to himself. He had been toying with the idea since he realized that he liked her. Was it more than that? Now he knew, without a doubt he knew. He had cried all the way home from her house after everything had blown up, after she had told him to go home. He had made it a few blocks before he had pulled over to the side of the road and sobbed. He had been too overcome with hurt and anger to be ashamed. What did he have to do to get a word in? And then when he finally did, when his big moment came, he had fucked it up. He had said all the wrong things, had possibly ruined her relationship with her sister.

And Sanderson. Twat. Was he trying to get with Lara Jean? Was he—good god—was he with her right now?

Peter tried to think about what it would be like to get back to school and see them together. See them holding hands and sharing earbuds and sitting on the bleachers. That prick. How much fashionably distressed denim can one hipster own?

But the most painful thing to strike Peter by far was hope. It kept sneaking up on him, kept whispering in his ear. Maybe they weren’t completely done. Maybe he could get her back. Maybe maybe maybe.

This was the worst because it tortured him. It kept him going, this hope, but it also crushed him in the middle of the night, when he couldn’t sleep, and her face was all he could see when he closed his eyes and he knew, knew for absolutely certain, that they were over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the rating to teen because Peter is a potty mouth.


	10. Peter’s girlfriend can’t park (or: They fall in love in a field)

There had been a few moments there when he hadn’t known what to think. He was pretty used to being floored by Lara Jean, to scraping his emotions up off the concrete several times during even the briefest conversation with her, but this was pretty extreme, even for them. She drove all the way there to tell him she had driven all the way there? His brain had taken a moment to catch up to her movements—the way she was turning away from him, her arm swinging, a piece of paper gripped tightly in her hand. A letter. She had written him another letter.

Then he had rushed forward, excited but suddenly afraid. It would be just like Lara Jean to break his heart the same way she had won it—with a handful of words written in her elegant script. _It’s over. I’m seeing Sanderson. Give me back that scrunchie._ Peter thought that perhaps her asking him to turn around wasn’t just an act of fear on her part—maybe she had some sympathy for him. He was sure there was no way he would be able to keep the range of emotions he felt from washing over his face. Why should he hide his pain? He was done pretending.

Lara Jean tapped him on the shoulder and then said some stuff that had blown his world wide open, and he had done his best to not say that he loved her, so of course it was the first thing out of his mouth. He was going to have to ease her very carefully toward vulnerability; he didn’t expect her to reciprocate his confession any time soon. He thought he just might teach by example, though, so here: she could have his heart and break it if she liked, and maybe some day she would trust him enough to do the same.

He got to kiss her again, which was pretty cool. She was so tiny and adorable and pocket-sized; he thought his face might burst from grinning. They walked back to his car before he remembered that she had said she had driven. There was her vehicle, taking up about half the lot. He wondered, not for the first time, how she had managed to pass a driving test.

“You weren’t kidding,” he said, gesturing toward her car.

Lara Jean nodded, a little proud and a little shy—she had retreated into herself during their walk, although she seemed happy.

“You wanna give me a ride? I’ve never seen these driving skills of yours, Covey.” He gripped her hand more tightly and leaned down so that his face was close to hers.

Her eyes grew a little wide, but she was obviously trying to conceal her fear. “That’s the worst part,” she said.

“Worst part of what?”

“When you drive somewhere. Even once you make it, you know you’ll have to drive back.”

Peter laughed and kissed her gently on the mouth. She reached her hand up to cup his cheek, letting her hand trail down his chest as he ended the kiss and straightened up to his full height.

“I’ll drive,” he said. “You’ve already swept me off my feet with this grand gesture,” he said, waving their joined hands at her vehicle. “And we have the rest of our lives to take drives. Which is good because it may take me that long to teach you how to park a car.”

Lara Jean closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. “I did pretty well, for me. It’s in the lot.” She actually seemed to think she’d done a good job. Dammit. The cute just did not stop with her.

Peter suddenly felt like jumping up and down. She was his. Not in like a creepy “I own you” kind of way, but just, you know, his girl. He dragged her to his jeep, pressing her back against the driver’s side door and leaning down for another kiss. He pulled back from her and watched her as she slowly opened her eyes, a little dazed.

“It was like driving, you know?” she said.

“What?”

“Trying to talk about how I feel.”

Peter contemplated this for a moment. “You mean how you get so scared you freeze up and then you don’t know what to do?”

Lara Jean let out a sigh and nodded.

“You know you don’t have to be scared of me, right?” he asked. “I’m not that scary.”

Lara Jean smiled at him, and he felt like he might never come down from this high.

“Now that,” he pointed to her car behind them, “that is scary. That’s a crime scene waiting to happen.”

Lara Jean rolled her eyes. “I’m not that bad.”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “But good’s a ways off.” He couldn’t even keep the smile off his face to sell the teasing, and they both grinned stupidly at one another for a few moments. It was gaze-into-one-another’s-eyes kind of shit, and Peter had never felt anything like it before. Just one of his firsts with Lara Jean. He knew now that there were many more to come.

“Let’s go somewhere, anywhere. And then I can get your car towed or something. It’ll be romantic.”

Lara Jean smiled. “Okay,” she said. She grabbed his hand again and squeezed his fingers. “We could go to the diner. There’s something there I’d like to show you.”

Peter began walking her around to the passenger side. “Wherever you want. I drive; you lead the way.”

He helped her up into the jeep, probably because he just couldn’t keep from touching her. He sped around to the driver’s side door, humming as he went. Operation Get Lara Jean Back had worked, even though he hadn’t gotten past Step 1: Try not to freak out/almost cry/cry every time you see her/hear her name/think about her. It was just as well he didn’t get to the next steps—he really didn’t want to have to buy more yogurt.

He climbed into his seat and turned to her, ready for the next part of their journey to begin. There were some things that you couldn’t plan for, and some plans that never went the way you wanted. Perhaps they both needed to learn to let go and just enjoy the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought when watching the scene where Josh doesn't understand her driving analogy--Peter would get it. I also think he'd understand and let her play that song when they're in the diner... 
> 
> Thank you all for your patience and your kudos and kind words. You have been so supportive while I wrote this little thing, and I hope it adds some color to your day.


End file.
